Breakable Unbreakable
by Moonlttiger
Summary: A moment in time where Ichigo is at his weakest point. His hollow is taking over his mind and he can no longer think strait.


**AN: Well, I dont know where this story came from. Just the inserpaition. Tokyo Goul's opening "Unravel" and _Bleach._**

 **I do not own anything regarding bleach, it belongs to the writer and creators.**

 **Please enjoy.**

He stood on the bank of the small river that flowed through the town staring at the water reflecting the beauty of the sky, sparkling and shining innocently and pure with no contamination of the world around it. Ichigo knew the dangers and contamination that the world can have in it He was one of them, a human, Soul reaper, and hollow rolled into one body. A body held together by a mind unraveling at the seams.

Breaking

He took a deep breath and looked up, the sky had just began its change into sunset. Red, oranges and yellows flare into the sky illuminating the world with its splendor. The ground remained the dark green and stone grey refusing to give its color to the autumn season that had taken over the city while he was away. He leaned back and allowed his body to fall to the ground focusing on the sky letting the pain of hitting the ground attempt to clear his troubled mind. He had taken a few beatings recently and pain stopped bothering him as much as it should, in fact he began to carve the pain. It helped him for some reason when he was in pain the turmoil in his head calmed slightly. School had let out early today and he told everyone that he was going to train alone for a bit, but he could not bring himself to train. He really did want to become stronger but the stronger he became the closer he was to losing control of himself. He had come here to think, there was something about the water that reflected the sky and banks that calmed him ever so slightly. This was the world that despite the changes he himself under went had not changes. Though if he where to look at the water he would be reminded of everything he had come here to try and forget. The water would force him to see his own face staring back at him the harsh edges born from battle. Mental pain was harder to handle then physical he knew that. Physical pain was wanted, mental fragmented his mind more then he could handle. Ichigo stood deciding in an instant that his should probably head home, though he did not want to see his family. His dad would yell at him for something and his sisters would look at him like he was some kind of hero. Some hero he was, he could not look a mirror any longer afraid his eyes would reflect the hollow, the demon he was becoming. He hated himself for that, and he hated himself for hating himself; he was normally not one to become so depressed. Though it seemed to him that it has been happening more and more recently he felt like his mind was breaking slowly. He was forced to watch his friends all get more and more powerful as he struggled to keep himself so much as going in the right direction. He was slipping and it seemed that nobody could tell but him; he wanted to talk to someone but there was no one he could talk to. All his friends needed to be focused on getting stronger he did not was to bother them with his own problems. He was going to have to worry about himself. He knew that but still he longed for the days he used to spend with them, they used to laugh and smile with ease oblivious to the world around them, to the dangers that lay around them.

Breaking

His feet carried him across town, along the way he could feel his friend spirt pressures around him. None of them were close to him, but he had gotten used to looking for them. It eased his mind just to feel them, still alive, and for the most part unchanged. He really did admire his friends; despite the world seeming to change at every possible point, they remained themselves. They all held the same smile when they laughed with their fellow friends that they did before. He looked around as he noticed that there was one of his friends a lot closer then he thought at first. He stopped and looked up in time to see Orihime standing there with Tatsuki looking at some donut shop; both girls had a smile on their face laughing at some kind of joke. Orihime as if knowing he was there looked over and greeted him with a smile beckoning him over to join them. Ichigo put on the best smile he could in order to hide his turmoil emotions, and walked over to the girls. Looking over their shoulder he listened as the girls fought over what kind of donut to share between them. The debate was chocolate or strawberry Tatsuki had always been more of a strawberry person as far as Ichigo remembered, Orihime liked anything and everything but the simplicity of the argument brought a real smile to his face. This is what he envied about her and the others, nothing seemed to faze her. Ichigo excused himself from their conversation simple saying that he was needed at home, in truth he had grown tired of forcing a fake smile. He couldn't bear to trick them anymore.

I'm Breaking

Ichigo made his way home and chose to enter through the window instead of the front door; not wanting to deal with his father or sisters. All his father would do is attack him for something he doesn't remember doing or something that wasn't a big deal. His sisters would try to shove food down his throat and he really wasn't hungry. His room was the only thing in his life that remained mostly unchanged, other than the makeshift bed that Rukia used while she stayed in the world of the living. He never had the heart to take it out so he left it feeling that it would be the best place for it. She was bound to be back soon as the final battle was coming soon and she would need to train with them a bit in there world. She along with the other soul reapers would come to the world of the living to get use to the air around them. Ichigo sat at his desk and stared at the papers that were scattered across it. Rukia's letter that she wrote before heading back to the soul society was still there. The crazy bunny girl, she was another that remained person that remained unchanged in his life. Normally she was the one who could talk him out of is depressed moods just by yelling at him. Today however he was unsure as to whether or not she was help at all. He didn't want her to know that he was in so much pain but not the pain that he can heal away no he was curtain that there was no way he could be helped. His hollow though tamed was still a source instability inside of him. He moved from his desk to the bed, falling asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. Sleep normally didn't come this easy for him but he had practice shutting his mind off and forcing him to sleep.

Breaking

Weeks have passed without incident and Ichigo felt his craving for pain grow until he begain training hard enough that at the end of the day he could no longer move; finding however that no amount of pain brought on by training could cure his craving. He has come to know that it was his hollow, inside of him that caused him to want pain. He had begun to wish that a few of the espada were still around just so he could ask them if this was a normal part of becoming a hollow. He wanted to feel more than just simple muscle exhaustion. No one he could train with could help him; Orihime was working more with her healing and shielding abilities. Uryu was not able to train as frequently due to his father's choke hold on him from helping him with his own personal quincy training. Chad could though a mean punch but refused to so much as hit him when he dulled his reactions. Ichgo had a feeling that Chad knew he was trying to get hurt though Chad never told anyone as far as he could tell. If he were to tell Orihime or even his father he would have had a lecture by now. Chad had actually begun to refuse training with him something about needing to focus on school at the moment.

Broken

Ichgo stood on the roof of the school, waiting for his friends to join him for lunch. He was on the edge, toes up to the edge watching the clouds. He had begun to wonder what jumping would feel like. He would land just fine; weather he lived or died would depend on how much spiritual pressure he used to shield himself. The call of his friends pulled him from his thoughts. Another call sounded when he didn't turn around to great them with the call he turned and smiled hopping down rubbing the back of his head. He could not meet there eyes. He was scared they would know what he thinking moments before; the thoughts of death had plagued his mind for a while now. Pain would ease the thoughts but he never truly kill them. He felt Chads gaze almost studying him Chad had become more and more suspicious of what Ichigo was thinking, but has yet to outright ask. No, Chad just stayed by Ichigo always watching his back. Orihime smiled now having Ichigo's attention and moved aside proudly proclaiming she had made lunch for everyone, explaining why she told them not to bring food themselves. The conversations start and he can't help but long for the old days again. The food was good, as Orihime was a good cook, and seemed to be trying more and more to spoon feed him. She must have noticed that he wasn't eating, though come to think of it Ichigo wasn't really hiding it well. He never brought food to school anymore. He would only eat when someone pointed it out or he grew to hungry he could not ignore it anymore. Ichigo sat back placing his bowl on the ground beside him, bearly touched but he could not eat anymore. He turned his attention to his friends watching them laugh and pick on each other. All his friends were very much unchanged. There spirts glowed so brightly that it was starting to blind him, or the hollow inside of him. Knowing his friends where still okay calmed his human; the part of him that was not yet a hollow. Again his thoughts turned back to the roofs edge. The hollow stirred taunting him for not fallowing threw, for not jumping. He grits his teeth and looked out to the street watching the cars pass by the school. He felt his fist close tightly around a rock he had absently picked up, pain flared as his grip became all the tighter welcoming the pain as his thoughts grew more and more dark. His mind shattering as he thought of his hearts world, the world of buildings on their sides. His hollow was there, he knew he would have to confront him again try to tame that force again. But how could he? His mask brought with it the fear of his losing control; he had almost killed Uryu while under the effects of that retched mask. Even his Bankai pulled him closer to losing control; he feared his own blade his own power. He hated himself more and more now. He wanted the final battle to come; with it he may be able to end everything. He could end his pain by turning in his sword he was ready to give up his soul reaper powers and be a human again. If that would work he doubted it.

I'm Broken

The day ended Ichigo was back in his room once again sore from his training. Clutching the knife he had begun to keep beside his bed. He never used it but every night the temptation to grew. He stared at his ceiling casting his senses out to feel the spiritual pressures of all his friends, all strong and bright blinding but comforting He didn't wish to know where they were but he knew they were there. They would be hurt so badly if he fallowed threw with what he was thinking holding the knife in his hands. His sisters and father would hurt too. He could never being them pain like that, but damn he wanted his mind to calm. The knife turned in his hand; blade in his palm as for the first time the blade cut open his skin pain snapped through his mind only causing his hollow to jump and turn. The pain this time did nothing. He heard a knock on his window causing his eyes to widen who would be at his window. He jumped and threw the knife under his bed and grabbed a sock trying to stop the bleeding while he went to the window; relying on his healing ability to close the wound quickly. Orihime was the one that stood at his window on one of her rejected shields to be at window level. She smiled and stepped through the window when he opened it. He hid his hand at his side only to find her hand reach out and grab his hand; bringing out a field of healing as his their hands touched. A spark jolted threw him as he instinctively tried to pull his hand anyway, mind reeling to find some kind of excuse to explain what happened.

"Ichigo, don't lie to me, you did this to yourself I know that. You are not that clumsy with your sword. Why are you trying to fight yourself on your own? You have me. You have Chad. We both have had your back for as long as I can remember. We care about you. I saw that hollow version of yourself, and without it you would have died. Uryu would have died trying to cover us while I tried to heal you. Uryu does not hold it against you. He knew the risks of getting close to you. He also knew what would happen if he didn't step in, you would have lost your humanity. Now you can still fight to keep that alive. If you begin to hurt yourself like this you will lose it. So now I'm stepping in. I will heal you this last time but from now on if feel like you need to harm yourself come to me. Day or Night I'll be here for you. Ichigo if I cannot help you go to Chad. He will always have your back. The hollow will not win over you, I won't let it. And don't argue with me I will not hear it."

Ichigo stood there unable to say anything while she lectured him. He never knew her to know what he was thinking. He just grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

Unbreakable…

"Thank you."

 **AN: Ichigo isn't like this truly but still for a moment after his battle with Ulquiorra I feel that he could have felt like this. Orihime is the one that pulls him back into himself. I know I don't have to justify why I wrote this but I think this is something everyone can relate to. Feeling so alone even though you are surrounded by people who love you. Maybe not to the point of suicide or even to self harm, but everyone has felt alone. Ichigo has voiced that there are points that he is not sure as to whether he can go on, and even seemed like he was willing to give up. He needed someone to remind him that he was strong enough to handle anything that was thrown at him. Every soul, every person is both breakable and unbreakable.**

 **We chose to be unbreakable. holding a fragile soul and never letting it go.**

 **Either way, thank you for reading and I hope that you will always remain unbreakable, even when you feel like you are shattering.**


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